How Our Phones Disconnect Us When We’re Together

Smartphones have changed the world. A quick glance around any street or communal space shows how dominant our favourite digital devices have become.

We are familiar with the sight of groups of teenagers not talking, but eagerly composing messages and posts on their screens. Or seeing couples dining silently in restaurants, ignoring the romantic flickering candle in favour of the comforting blue light of their phones.

Attempts have been made to come up with rules of phone etiquette during face-to-face interactions. But why do these devices that are meant to connect us when we’re far apart seem to cause so much division when we’re close together?

Some research has begun to examine this question. In one 2016 study conducted in US coffee shops, researchers found that using a mobile device while spending time with someone reduced the ability of one conversation partner to properly listen and engage with the other. This effect was particularly strong when the people interacting didn’t know each other well.

In another more recent study, researchers told restaurant goers to either leave their phones out on the table or to put them in a box, out of reach and sight. At the end of the meal, participants were asked how enjoyable the meal was and how distracted they had felt.

People who had their phones on the table felt more distracted, which in turn led to lower enjoyment of their time spent eating with friends or family.

Another research has also delved into the topic of phones distracting from high quality face-to-face interactions. Scientists invited pairs of friends to come to the lab to take part in an experiment and then asked them to wait for five minutes sitting side by side in a waiting area while researchers printed out questionnaires.

This was actually a deception. Researchers were only really interested in what subjects would do during the five minutes of “waiting time”, so they secretly filmed them to see what they did. Then they asked the subjects to complete a questionnaire on how well they thought that period of interaction had gone.

Finally, researchers disclosed to the participants that they had been recorded and asked for permission to keep the tapes to analyse in the study. Everyone allowed the team to keep the videos. Then with the help of assistants, researchers watched all the videos to see how much each pair of friends had used their phones.

The team found that 48 out of the 63 friendship pairs used their mobile phones, and on average they used their phones for one minute and 15 seconds out of the five-minute period. They calculated these averages based on both friends’ behaviours because interactions are dependent on both people who are present. So even if only one person used their phone, researchers would still expect their phone use to influence the quality of the interaction.

The longer subjects spent time using their phones, the lower the quality of their interaction. The study also found that regardless of how close the friends were, they all had worse interactions when they used their phones.

Watching the videos of friends using their phones showed researchers a lot about why these gadgets can be such a problem in face-to-face interactions. On occasion, the phones were used to share information, like showing a picture or email that they wanted to discuss. These types of usage didn’t seem to hurt their interactions, but they also didn’t occur very often.

Only 21% of people used their phones in this way and on average the sharing only lasted five seconds. What occurred more often was “distraction multitasking”, when friends were listening with one ear but still looking at and thinking about what was on their phones.

Distraction device

This type of use made up the majority of what we observed on the tapes. One particularly sad clip was between two female friends. Both friends were getting along well after being left alone to wait, and then one of them got out her phone. In the meantime, her friend had thought of something she would like to say and looked up eagerly about to share perhaps some gossip or good news. But as soon as she saw that her friend was completely absorbed in her phone, she looked away, disappointed and hurt. They didn’t speak again during the waiting period.

This seems to be the biggest problem that phones create in face-to-face interactions. They make us less available to others by distracting us from important social cues, like that light in a friend’s eyes when she is enthusiastic about telling something to us.

While technologically mediated conversations can be useful to maintain our relationships, most of us still prefer face-to-face interactions to bond with our friends. Face-to-face conversations can feel safer for sharing intimate information – like things we’re worried about or proud of – because they can’t be saved and shared with others.

Being physically present also allows for physical contact, like holding someone’s hand when they’re scared or giving them a hug when they’re sad. When someone is focused on their phone, they may miss out on opportunities to give this kind of support. The best phone etiquette to remember is that phones are meant to help us connect with our friends and family when they’re far away. When they’re right in front of us, we should take full advantage of the opportunity to connect in real life – and leave our phones alone.

yogaesoteric
May 14, 2020