Affective dependence and attachment (1)

by yoga teacher Gregorian Bivolaru

We must watch permanently and keep a just measure about all the complex relationships and especially about those with people of the opposite sex, as only GOD THE FATHER should have the axis, which is sometimes obsessive of our lives. Except for GOD THE FATHER firstly, and secondly for ourselves, no one else should be considered responsible for our own happiness and inner transformation. Generally speaking, it was noticed that human beings fall in love, some little by little, and others pretty fast, even instantaneously and the intensity of their love is directly proportional to their transfiguring and harmonious, creative, divine involvement they give within this relationship. As we all know, appetite follows eating, and love comes and amplifies till it becomes a measureless love by loving.

When we love the centre of force ANAHATA CHAKRA is energized and activated

It is not possible to love a human being if the next day, after we made love to him/her, we say that we found out that in reality we did not love him/her or we don’t love him/her any more. It is important that in all our emotional relationships we wouldn’t make confusion in considering in reality our passionate, sexual, body pleasures as a profound love. Unfortunately, there are many human beings who take simple sexual pleasure for love, and in case we have the necessary lucidity, we can realize that such human beings have not yet been arrowed by Cupid as they imagine. Such an illusion of falling into love and more than that, in intense and profound love is more often connected to sexual lust, some tendencies of sexual seduction in which love is insignificant or sometimes it doesn’t exist at all, and in some situations, such relationships are based only on passional attachment and even on a certain form of exaggerated, obsessive and disharmonious emotional dependence. When we truly love, we feel an intense dinamization and energization, sometimes extraordinary of the subtle center of force ANAHATA CHAKRA and, therewith, we sense the intense emotional response which comes from the other human being and which make us realize that this love relationship is based entirely on reciprocity. In such situations, the erotic states that can be felt are a harmonious blend between the energies of love and the sexual amorous energies which bring into the inner universe of the two lovers a sui-genesis heavenly elixir, produced by the matching of these energies of love and those sexual-amorous energies which unleashes erotic states.

When we feel predominantly only an excessive state of passion, an intense sexual desire which has nothing affectionate within itself and the subtle centre of force ANAHATA CHAKRA doesn’t feel at all, we must be careful about such states which do not prove an experience based on love, but they show an obvious exaggeration of the passionate, sexual impulses which in certain situations may become even obsessive.

But, beyond all these, we cannot deny that between two persons who have certain affinities, love at first sight can appear and this will create a profound relationship of love between the two, which can be extraordinary, based on reciprocity, transfiguration and respect. By making love with sexual continence and consecration of its fruit, all these will contribute to the appearance of certain extraordinary inner leaps which will be easily possible by attracting the subtle energies of love within the common universe of the two lovers, that each of them will attract through certain occult processes of resonance in the inner sphere. At the same time, by offering this energy to the other, they both receive, one from the other, the overwhelming flow of love which every one of them will project over the other in an intense and stunning way. Only in such a relationship based on, first of all, reciprocal love, respect, transfiguration and affinities, one can say that there are the necessary conditions which will attract certain states of happiness and extraordinary harmony in this couple. 

Love offers us the premiss of an inner awakening and self knowledge

Such a harmonious relationship based on reciprocal love will attract the possibility of loving ourselves with the help of a renewing and profoundly transforming vision upon the transfiguration of the human being of the opposite sex who loves us and thus, through his/her power of transfiguring, he/she awakens inside of us different unsuspected sides which have been dormant until then or were partially awakened, due to our feeble self-knowledge and to a anemic love we had towards ourselves. Consequently, from the point of view of the initiated ones, it is obvious that in case of a love-relationship based on transfiguration, reciprocal love, continence and consecration to GOD THE FATHER, there appear the premises of a inner state and of a self-knowledge which can be realized spontaneously, in a pleasant and surprising way through the intense transfiguring vision the other projects upon us through the energy of love, he/she inflects in a certain way. Thus, it becomes obvious that each love-relationship and, inclusively, the parallel relationships based on love that we accept and engage in creatively, when they are based on reciprocal love, they attract within our universe the energy of love we captivate and direct each time over the other – both when he/she is near us and he/she is in the distance – and in such circumstances, we benefit in the same time from a great part of that energy of love we give to the other. Therewith, we benefit from the overwhelming flow of love which is projected inside our inner universe and is directed to our being, to our Microcosm by the other human being who loves us. This way, we can say that in this amorous relationship based on reciprocal love, we benefit double, ceaselessly, both of the subtle energies of love which are attracted inside our universe when we love the other one and, at the same time, of those which are captivated into our universe when they are projected over us by the human being of the opposite sex who loves us.

This contributes to the surprising acceleration of the processes of knowledge and, at the same time, it reveals certain mysterious sides which exist in our inner universe and which help us loving ourselves through the transfiguring vision of the other human being of the opposite sex who loves us. Within this process, an awakening of different dormant sides takes place and thus, latent aspects which were germinal in our universe come to bud and then they begin to come to life under the flow of the energy of love which is modulated through the human being of the opposite sex who loves us. This complex process conjures out extraordinary states of happiness, fulfillment and inner spiritual transformations which happen spontaneously in harmonious relationships based on, first of all, reciprocal love and transfiguration. We must consider that all these processes do not occur instantaneously, but they appear and take place gradually. That is why we must have patience and whenever we feel that love winks at us/makes us a sign it is important for us to open towards its mysterious energies, as we should never lose out of our sight that GOD THE FATHER is permanently present within the energy of love. We must keep in mind that wherever the energy of love is present, there is also present GOD THE FATHER. Thus, we can realize that through the fundamental energy of love we do important steps to the discovery of GOD THE FATHER, both within our own being and in the human being or beings we love intensely, profoundly and in a transfiguring way.

The atachment or the affective dependence apear mostly when love decrease in intensity

Beyond all these, it is necessary for us to realize that the states of attachment or emotional dependence appear and grow especially when the mysterious energy of love decreases as intensity and it mixtures in the universe of the two lovers with other inferior energies, such as the energies of exaggerated attachment, the energies of vanity, of selfishness. All these conjure out gradually another inner blend and, as the pure, divine, sublime energy of love diminishes, the subtle tormenting, tensed energies of jealousy, possessiveness, of attachment, of inferior, low passions, sometimes exaggerated till obsession, appear inside the inner universe of one of the two lovers or in their both – through a strange reciprocal, inferior induction. 
Therefore, it is essential to keep in mind that if the energies of love decrease in intensity, as they are replaced with other processes of resonance, with inferior, ill-fated states such as jealousy, attachment, disharmonious involvement, then the state of emotional dependence will appear inside the universe of one of the lovers or, in certain tragic situations, in the universe of their both, and it will establish then little by little. This state of emotional dependence marks the diminution till insignificant and even till disappearing of the divine energy of love which existed at the beginning when the amorous relationship started and generated inside of us subtle, pure, high, paradisiacal energies during the magical moment of the beginning.

Consequently, in case of such toxic, harmful blends – in which the energy of love is only in a proportion of 3 or even 1 percent – the other inferior, low energies – such as excessive attachment, jealousy, exaggerated possessiveness, vanity, wild wish to manipulate and control the other by any means, taking away his freedom – contribute to the appearance of a tormenting state, more or less tensed and sometimes obsessive of so-called affective dependence and of passional attachment which proves that in that case love almost disappeared, being replaced by other resonances which fool us, due to our lack of lucidity and discernment, in comparison to what is going on after one year or even few months, the states we had in the magical, divine moment of the beginning of our amorous relationship. 

Many can be fooled by this slip into this strange abyss and they could confuse, because of their exaggerated passion, the wish of enslaving and subordinating entirely the other, the tendency to manipulate and control him/her (which unleashes the awakening and growth of a disharmonious, tensed, tormenting and obsessive attachment) with the state of pure, predominant love which existed undoubtedly at the beginning of the relationship of the two lovers. Unfortunately, due to their ignorance and indulging in this poisonous state, in which the energy of love, manifested by both lovers, became minimum and decreased notably to one of the two lovers, and instead of a relationship based on pure, divine, transfiguring, elevated love it will appear and then will be accepted – instead of a relationship based on exchanges and interaction which are preponderantly affectionate, elevated, pure – would appear a relationship based on low, tormenting, tensed energetic exchanges. These are also expressed through the strange attachment of pathological jealousy, of selfish involvement which installs later the state of affectionate dependence. This dependence determines many people, especially common people, to take a beautiful, harmonious and fulfilling love-relationship based on the predominance of the energy of love or, in other words, which is based on the predominance of the affective energies, for a relationship of exaggerated passion, predominant sexuality which moreover, blends the specific low energies of attachment, selfishness. This determines the two lovers who at the beginning experienced paradisiacal states to feel tensed, tormenting states of affectionate dependence, of attachment, jealousy and possessiveness which prove a qualitative decrease of the exchanges of the energy of love between them. They were replaced with low, inferior exchanges as frequency of vibration which conjures out, instead of a relationship based on love, a relationship based on exaggerated passion, on loose sexuality, possessiveness, selfishness which doesn’t awaken and dinamize at all within their inner universe the sublime qualities and feelings, but many sorts of low, inferior manifestations which awaken inside of them certain defects, correlated to this energies of low, inferior level which appear between them and which have the tendency to grow exaggeratedly.

This confronts them with a regress of the qualities and states this relationship generates, without them realizing that, actually, all these are a diminution of the energy of love which appeared between them both, so that either both (or only one of them) do not nurture anymore their own being with high, sublime divine energies of love as they did at the beginning when they both lived the magical moment of the beginning in their relationship, which was based in a very high proportion on the predominance of the energies of love in their inner universe. 

The love relationship suffers due to the atachment and the affective dependence

The appearance of such exaggerated states of attachment and affectionate dependence can be understood easily correlating these revelations about the subtle energetic phenomenon, which appear among the two lovers when, instead of love, a predominant exchange of low energies appears which are unleashed by the states of attachment, of sexual passion or jealousy. This aspect explains, among other things, why at the beginning of a relationship based on love it is easy to develop such a relationship with a human being who manifests certain very powerful tendencies towards attachment and affectionate dependence. If we do not consider these tendencies too seriously and we begin to do compromises, bending over the more and more demanding, selfish, passional requests of that human being, hoping that, this way, we will please him/her and will make him/her happy, we will be able to observe that as we realize these compromises, the love-relationship with such a human being begins to suffer. As we accept that, instead of love, low exchanges would appear that the sick attachment and possessiveness or jealousy unleashes directly, proportional with the acceptance of these compromises, it becomes visible that the tendency of that human being emphasizes more and more in that direction and therewith his/her real love diminished, being replaced shortly after by a horrid, tensed, tormenting manifestation of his/her attachment, selfishness and jealousy which conjure out and grow, replacing the flow of love – which springs, as it was possible at the beginnings, out of the subtle center of force ANAHATA CHAKRA – with the inferior, low fluxes of the energies which dart off and are connected through resonance with the inferior levels of the inner Microcosm of the human being who deviates from the pure, intense and overwhelming state of love. Then, as the exaggerated growth of these inferior, low states accentuates, love is replaced with a caricature, which the human beings who indulge in this state do not observe and they do not realize that everything they feel now is different than it existed and manifested plainly in the magical moment of the beginning.

From The Spiritual Booklet of the International Yoga Symposium, Costineşti 2009

Read here the second and the third part of this article:

Affective dependence and attachment (2) 

Affective dependence and attachment (3)

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