Are You Too Controlling? It’s Time to Relax

You’re one of those people that likes to have everything perfectly organized, whether it’s your home, your schedule, your workspace, or your relationships? You like to pursue to see into the future to prevent horrible outcomes? You want to control situations so that they turn out good for you, and you think that your way is always the correct way? You just can’t deal with upsetting changes or occurrences in your life because that means you’ve lost control? You often get told by others to “lighten up”, “chill out”, or “let loose”?

Organization is good. Preparation is good. Planning is also good. And being told by others to relax is probably one of the most annoying things ever. But, how do you know when these traits begin to get a little out of hand? Maybe it’s time to relax.

“Am I too uptight?”

There is such a thing as too much, although people who have the above personality traits might beg to differ. Here’s how you can know when it’s too much:
• It gets in the way of healthy relationships. You can’t seem to let anything go.
• You can’t get enough work done or not efficiently enough because you’re waiting for everything to be perfect.
• Everything bothers you to the point where you dread going to work or being out in social groups.
• You find yourself judging others for their decisions or actions. You feel that your way is the best and only way.
• You hold strong grudges that can last for years, and you hold onto baggage from the past that gets in the way of your relationships and how you feel about yourself.
• You have high standards, and you never let yourself off the hook. You are constantly looking for ways to better yourself because you’re never good enough.
• You’re experiencing depression or anxiety and can’t seem to get a handle on it.

If any of these “symptoms” sound like you and the way you’ve been living your life, it could be time to do a little therapy of letting go…

“But what about…? What if…?”

This is the common response that uptight people make when being told to let go or to relax. “But, but, but…! What if this happens? What about this?” And the arguments go on.

People become uptight or controlling due to the environment or experiences they’ve had. Perhaps they were disrespected or even bullied in their past, and they’re looking for ways to control people and situations so that they don’t feel that way again. Perhaps a crazy upbringing where nothing was in control, and so they feel the need to control now. Maybe they have low self-esteem that needs to be fostered by telling other people what to do instead of dealing with their own life or their own problems.

Whatever it may be, there is a reason for such behavior, and in too frequent amounts, is unhealthy. Whether it’s at a workplace or in your personal life. It promotes dissension, builds resentment, and stirs up frustration. “Letting go of things that really do need fixing can feel like injustice, irresponsibility, or indifference on our part.” (The Way Of Serenity)

“Why is this hurting me?”

The real problem with this kind of mentality to control everything and everyone and prepare for every eventuality to avoid being hurt is just that it keeps you from living your LIFE, and all of the happy and good things it has to offer. Not only that, but it causes undue problems, especially stress.

And not only is stress not fun for anyone, but it actually causes physical damage! Chronic stress can have incredible, long-lasting damage that you definitely want to avoid! Things like digestive problems or sleep issues, skin issues, anxiety, depression, and so much more! Why put yourself through so much strain if you can make changes that will help you in all areas of your life: spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

“What can I do?”

Worrying about the future, being hung up on the past, having expectations and trying to control others to make things how you want = fast track to depression, anxiety, and unhappiness.

Life is like the flow of a river, and sometimes, we need to go with that flow. It can damage us if we try too hard to go against it. But, after a lifetime of trying to control everything, it can be difficult to make such drastic transformation. Take it one step at a time:

• Talk to someone, whether it’s a trusted relative or friend or therapist. Talk out what you’re experiencing and see if someone else can help you identify problem behaviors. Then, you know where to begin.

• Develop and foster self-compassion. Many times this behavior does stem from a lack of self-esteem and a fear of failure. Begin to shift your thinking into a positive state by starting with kind words to yourself. A therapist can assist you with mental shifts.

• Take care of your body. Realize that this kind of behavior does take a toll, and it’s time to do what will save yourself from physical damage.

• Learn to let things go. Some things cannot be changed or prepared for. People cannot be controlled. In order to be able to live a happier and more fulfilling life, you will need to let a few things go.

• The control of breath has amazing powers that can help improve our spirit, mind, and body. Even meditation where you’re just taking a time out from the day and breathing can have wonderful benefits.

• Take it one step at a time. This is always a journey. You will always be finding yourself. But, if you love yourself along the way and expect that not everything will be perfect right away, you will be able to find that peace you may have not even realized you’ve been sorely needing.

Get off the path to depression, stress, and anxiety. It’s time to relax and to see life as an exciting adventure, where you can have a little fun too.

yogaesoteric
March 15, 2020

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