9 Mistakes that Ruin Relationships


Everybody knows how important is to have a healthy and successful romantic relationship. Not only can it boost your spirits and moods, but it can also enhance your overall mental well-being. While relationships are usually full of highs and lows, it can sometimes be hard to maintain the highs when you are going through rough patches; and these tough times may be due to several common mistakes made in a relationship.

If you and your lover are going through some difficult times, some minor adjustments might just help to get your relationship back on track. You can do so by identifying issues in your relationship early and adopting certain strategies before it takes a toll and negatively impacts your relationship. If you’re fretting over what some of these issues may be, read on as we list some common ones in relationships that you may unknowingly be guilty of.

1. Taking your lover for granted

As your relationship progresses and you grow more comfortable with each other, neglecting the needs of your lover is a common phenomenon. Lovers start buying fewer gifts for their other halves, cut down on extravagant romantic gestures and leave handwritten notes behind. While it is normal to assume that your lover will always be in your life even if you reduce these niceties, it never hurts to do a little something every now and then to show that you care.

Picture life without your sweetheart – will you be able to survive without him/her? The fear of losing your significant other may propel you in the right direction and motivate you to start doing little things to show your appreciation for him/her again. If you entirely cut down on showering him/her with love and affection, your lover may seek comfort in someone else instead.

2. Being too insecure

While it is not good to neglect your lover, it can also be detrimental if you care too much about and obsess over whether he cares for you. Being too insecure will make your sweetheart feel suffocated, and instead of bringing you two closer, it will push him away. You’ll become clingy and possessive, wanting to spend every waking moment together; not giving him room to live his own life away from you. You may constantly crave for his attention and reassurance, and start questioning whether the time that he spends with his friends may just be a cover-up for hanging out with a potential love interest.

When two parties commit and make a decision to start a relationship together, having confidence in his genuine love for you will prevent you from being that needy girlfriend that his friends hate. Constantly reminding yourself about the little things that he does to express his love and care for you will help you to be less anxious in the relationship, and be a healthier person for your lover.

3. Oversharing information with others

In relationships, there are bound to be secrets and intimate moments that only both of you know about. When your lover tells you something confidential, it indicates his absolute trust in you to keep it to yourself. While it may be something completely trivial or harmless, tattling it to your friends or family will lose the trust that your lover has in you. Imagine if it spreads to the wrong people and ends up affecting your sweetheart’s life. That will cause you to feel extremely anxious and stressed out, knowing that you leaked information that was never meant to be circulated. This not only causes his faith in you to falter but may also be extremely damaging to the relationship.

4. Complaining about your lover to others

It is normal for individuals to turn to their friends when things get rough in a relationship. While confiding in others may be second-nature to you, keeping mum about it may help to prevent your relationship from getting stuck in a rut.

When you focus on the bad qualities of your lover, it clouds your judgment about him as a person and you will find yourself starting to withdraw from him. In addition, if you choose to tell your friends about his shortcomings instead of directly talking to your lover, he will be unaware of your dissatisfaction and assume that all is good. As these instances of unhappiness start to accumulate, it may one day manifest into a full-blown unsalvageable argument that will seem uncalled for to your lover; taking a toll on the relationship as a result.

5. Engaging in passive-aggressive behavior

Passive-aggressive, or ‘pagro’ for short maybe an ‘in’ term these days, but not many know about how detrimental it can be to a relationship. Passive-aggressiveness usually comes in the form of intentional sarcastic remarks or making empty promises on purpose. While it is sometimes your subconscious acting, it usually stems from deep-seated unhappiness and anger with your lover that you do not voice out. This could be your self-defensive mechanism kicking in that is extremely counter-productive.

In these cases, self-reflection is key as you identify gaps in the relationship that you are upset about. Having honest conversations about what you are not happy about will also thoroughly help your lover to understand your feelings more, and propel the relationship forward when both of you address the underlying issues together.

6. Doubting the relationship

If you find yourself constantly questioning the relationship, you may be indulging in self-sabotaging behavior. When you start to doubt how long the relationship will last, or when he is going to leave you, you will tend to avoid making future commitments; leading to your lover thinking that you are starting to lose interest. When that happens, both parties may engage in withdrawal behavior and start growing apart, causing the potential demise of the union.

7. Not putting your lover first

With the demands of work, social life and family, it is often easy to have other priorities in your life besides your lover. If you regularly ditch your date nights to be with your friends or willingly grab dinner with a client after work instead of going home to take care of your sick spouse, chances are, he will experience feelings of neglect.

While it is hard to decide who is the most important in your life, and whose needs should be prioritized, it is crucial to be attentive to your lover’s needs every now and then. As you start getting used to seeing your lover only twice a week, this lack of attentiveness will start to evolve to become rejection over time, resulting in your lover growing detached from you.

8. Giving up on your lover

When your lover is going through a difficult time in his life, or when she is stuck in a vicious cycle of self-esteem issues, it is often easier to just disengage from her problems and focus on your own tasks. However, it is important to give your loved one the confidence that you are always there for her, allowing her to rely on your unconditional support. It will not only strengthen the relationship, but it will also motivate her to get out of her mental prison.

9. Stop trying in the relationship

Couples go through ups and downs all the time, and when the going gets tough, you may sometimes feel dejected and lack confidence in your lover to carry on in the relationship. Regardless of any previous infidelity or ground-breaking arguments, it can deeply shatter the mutual trust that both of you share and cause a lot of unresolved resentment and feelings of betrayal. You may tend to commit less and invest fewer emotions in the relationship for fear that you may end up getting hurt again. Catch yourself before this becomes permanent, and all the effort and time that you spent building the relationship go down the drain.

In a nutshell, while these are some common mistakes in relationships that couples overlook, it can be damaging to the relationship if they are prolonged. Self-reflection and honest communication may help to propel the relationship in the right direction again and salvage the union before it is too late. However, there are times when you should trust your gut feeling if it is telling you that there may be something wrong.


March 31, 2020


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