Love languages

Love is a subject as vast as it is fascinating and mysterious. What could be more delightful in life than the broad and deep experience of this euphoric and ravishing feeling, that we call love? Love makes us expand from finite to infinite and it takes us off the loneliness of our beings. The delicious and overwhelming experience of falling in love makes us float with happiness and feel in the seventh heaven. Our love reservoirs are filled up to the maximum and the transfiguration of our beloved is exemplary. Why should we not always remain in this state of grace? To achieve this, however, we need a lot of attention and dedication and it is very important for us to know the way how we should manifest our love towards our beloved, for he or she can understand and feel it, on his/her own language, and he/she can always feel loved and appreciated in our relation.

The emotional language of your love can be, compared to that of your beloved, as different as Chinese is from English, for example. No matter how much you would try to express your love in English, if your lover only understands Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other. It is not enough to be honest when we express our love, but we must be willing to learn the main love language of the other, if we wish to effectively communicate in love. Thus our love will be translated into the our beloved’s love language

Since childhood, every human being has been developing a specific way in which they receive the love that their parents and the people who they come in contact with transmit to them. This could be called the love language of that being. It is therefore very important that when we are in a love relationship and we honestly wish for our beloved’s happiness, to aim to discover the our beloved’s love language and to manifest according to it as often as possible.

The same thing is valid for us as well. By doing a self analysis and aiming to discover how we like to be loved best, we can guide our beloved to manifesting towards us in that way that makes us feel best and gives us a broad feeling of happiness and fulfillment.

If we want to be efficient in making our love known we should be willing to learn the our beloved’s love language
Although there is an infinite number of ways and nuances in which we can manifest our love, there have been identified, however, five main love languages. In his book “The Five Love Languages”, Dr. Gary Chapman,  marriage counselor and lecturer on how to improve and enrich the couples lives, summarizes and concludes that the five fundamental ways in which a human being expresses and receives love are : words of encouragement, your invested time, gifts, services and caresses or touching.

Few are those who have knowledge of the five love languages and even fewer are those who have discovered their own way of loving or their beloved way of loving. The men and the women in a couple rarely have the same main love language. We all tend to express ourselves in our main language and we are annoyed when our beloved does not understand what we communicate to them. We express our love, but the message is not perceived, because the language we used makes no sense for the other one. This is the fundamental problem that usually occurs in the long-term couple relationships. Once you have learned the main love language of your beloved, you have discovered the key to a long lasting and full of affection relationship or marriage. So, to keep our love alive we must learn each others’ love language. If we want our beloved to feel the love that we communicate to them we must express it in their own language.
There are three main ways by which we can identify the love language:
1. to think about what causes us the greatest suffering out of the things that our lover does or doesn’t do. The opposite of what makes us suffer is usually our love language.
2. to identify which is the thing that we have most often requested form our lover, that can also identify our way to love and to feel loved.
3. The way how we express our love for the beloved one shows, usually, what makes us feel loved.

At the foundation of human existence lies the need for privacy and to be loved by someone.

Usually, in the love relations, the gap that is created in time between the two lovers is because one of them or both do not feel loved anymore. Their love reservoirs are empty and the enthusiasm of the beginning and the magic moments of love are rare or they have completely disappeared. The need to be loved is what led to the founding of the couple. If this need is not satisfied any longer, the couple breaks off irreversibly in most of the cases. Maintaining a reservoir full of love in a couple relationship is as important as maintaining the correct level of oil in a car.

People behave differently when their love reservoir is full. They are more good willing, more tolerant, more generous, more understanding, kinder. Learning and expressing  the main love language of the beloved  can decisively affect his or her behavior.
Read also:Love Language Number 1: Words of encouragement
Love Language Number 2: The Time granted
Love Language Number 3: Receiving gifts 


July 2010   

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