The profound understanding of the Truth (II)

by Florica Steva

You can also read the first part of this article.

Knowing from Sri Aurobindo that the Supreme Absolute – God has to be conquered through love, I asked myself what can I do in order to manifest this love. In Bhagavad Gitta – the 9th book, “The Yoga of the royal mystery”, I found of a certain method of action that God enjoys.

Here’s what it says: “To those who worship Me, thinking only of Me, to those who are permanently in communion with Me, to them I give everything that is good. Any offering coming from the depths of one’s soul: a leaf, a flower, a cup of pure water, I gladly receive it. Give Me the fruit of all your actions coming from the impulse of your soul, the fruit of all the joys, remissions, all the gifts, the energy of your TAPAS. Thus, you will be released from the burden of the good and bad consequences of your non-consecrated, chaining actions. Through the communion of your spirit with the Divine following the renouncing of the fruit of your actions, you shall reach spiritual Liberation and you shall be one with Me.”

Since then – and up until this day – I started to give God everything I do and feel, even the less harmonious states, with no discrimination, without asking anything or awaiting for an answer. I just say: “God, I give You this state, this thought, this action, etc.”

Doing this, I was amazed by the results, because in this way, God becomes a permanent presence in our lives. We live in happiness, we have the attitude of a child, it’s like a game of love.
 
The wonders I experienced while giving God a disharmonious state, a state of anger, of trouble, frustration etc. were extraordinary. Everything changed instantaneously; I became detached from the problem, as if I had just switched to a different frequency. Anger and frustration were just gone.

Sometimes, external factors used to cause an unpleasant state; for example, back then I had to periodically stay in an unpleasant atmosphere and this made me unhappy for a long time. From the moment I started to give this feeling to God, I managed to surpass the frustration… I was still aware of it, but it would not affect me any more.

After having found my “guiding marks”, I kept on – while being at peace – meditating upon the truth that resides in us. I was becoming aware that my Self, ATMAN, and that “something” – the Supreme Absolute are part of the same nature, they represent the same Reality. I wrote to myself: “The Supreme Absolute is fascinating. I am fascinated by it and it makes me want to reach it. That is what I want to reach, and only that. I wonder if what I’m experiencing today is in fact the desire to return to my source, and if this longing for one’s birthplace – which is so often felt by alienated people – is, in fact, the manifestation of this longing for the Supreme Absolute – God.

I know now, I have eventually found out where I want to be. I do not know why I want this, because there’s is nothing of what I might know now over there, and still I long for this “coming back. Nothing else can satisfy me, only that.” I was wondering how could I get there and intuition immediately answered me: “Only when you’ll be one with your Divine Self, only then will you be able to get there.”

In my first meditation after having received this intuitive answer, I asked God to help me know him as ATMAN or my Divine Self. I immediately felt his “mysterious” presence, as soon as I began to focus and center myself into my heart. It was rising and in the beginning there was the Divine Self and me. Then, I don’t know how, but I began to “enter” that presence, absorbing myself into it, thus there were no longer two beings, we were just one. The duality was gone.  That was when I began to live in total freedom; I was completely free, I was omnipotent, I was limitless, shapeless, I was everywhere. Then all these aspects, apparently difficult, were united somehow forming a single “I”. An upward movement commenced, where “I” was united with the Supreme Absolute through a mysterious phenomenon, like osmosis. I can not describe the way in which this unification took place; it was as if an identical nature intertwined with itself. There was that soundless silence and nothingness. It was nothing. And it was so good, I felt a mysterious, ecstatic and complete peace… I knew I was there, I knew I had found that which people are instinctively looking for, without knowing – without being aware of it – and I knew that this was the ultimate level, the Supreme, the Absolute.

After the meditation, while I was analyzing and correlating the states I had experienced lately, I understood that the four exemplifications with the light, truth, bliss and peace, then the meditations for the revelation of the Self, as well as the ones I called “the grip of consciousness on the Supreme Absolute” are unified and intertwined. In fact, they are all different stages or aspects of the same meditation, of the path to the One, The One who comprises all and everything.
The angel of Spiritual Maturity had warned me that I will not be exempt from spiritual tests and there I was, with one of the tests arising. It was like this: I had told a friend a few things about my experiences regarding the Supreme Absolute. He was a yoga teacher, and he told his fellow teachers about my experiences, in Bucharest, during one of their meetings, in the presence of our spiritual Guide.

The feedback was positive. When I found out about this I felt uneasy – but unfortunately, in a disharmonious way. I was living outside of natural joy, a certain state of spiritual pride, and its occurrence generated a lack of harmony in my being, which I felt very clearly. Something was not right. Again, the “Bhagavad Gita” helped me. In the 12th book, sutras 12 and 13, I had read: “… renouncing the fruit of action brings peace, which occurs right after renouncing.” This words had me thinking.

I was wondering if the fact that I wasn’t feeling at peace was due to some kind of attachment towards the fruit of my actions. I knew that the states that I had experienced during the meditations were given to me through Divine Grace and I also knew I wasn’t feeling any kind of avarice regarding these states, I wanted to share them with others; still, I was probably getting attached to the states I had experienced, I became possessive, and therefore I was able to experience this spiritual pride disturbing me. Considering the fact that the perturbing factor of my inner harmony is this – pride giving – attachment – I turned back to God again, asking him to help me. I sat down, I began to meditate and I said: “God, I beg you, please separate these wonderful states you’ve given me through Your grace from my ephemeral personality and make them flow through me towards those who need them.” I felt a very powerful energetic flux descending into my being through SAHASRARA and overflowing through ANAHATA CHAKRA, towards others; this energy flux which allowed me to give away my experiences and therefore to give myself away, had a purifying effect on me. By removing evil, it brought peace and composure. I repeated this meditation for a few days in a row, until I felt that I harmonized myself and that I had surpassed reincarnation.

Another test followed immediately. It manifested itself like a time of “desert” or “waste” that I had entered. I was under the impression that I had lost any occult benefic resonance ®, as if I had “forgotten” all the wonderful states I had lived. The meditations were unsuccessful, I had even lost my faith that I will ever succeed in meditation again. I wanted to get out of that state. I thought I should take a tapas that would give back my “working state”, if I might say so, but I couldn’t decide what kind of tapas should I do. In the end, for multiple reasons, I chose a tapas with prayers and blessings, but I wasn’t completely satisfied with it. I decided to ask our spiritual guide about this. I sat down in a meditation pose, I called Grieg in my mind and asked him to tell me what to do in order to reach the light.

Then, in a state of mental void, I waited for the answer. Gradually, intuition came into my mind and something like a dialogue with Grieg came through, a dialogue in which he answered my questions.

I must mention that I do not have any psychic abilities of any kind. I do not “hear” the voice of the spiritual guide or any other voices. My extrasensory communications happens in a more subtle way – like some sort of connection between souls. When I ask a question and I await – in complete silence – for the answer, this comes in my heart first and then my mind finds the proper words for it. It’s possible that I don’t receive any answer, nothing but silence; other times, I’m under the impression that I can feel the state of the one I’m trying to reach, as if I could feel – for example – that the spiritual guide is upset with me or discontent. Sometimes, even if I try to reach Grieg telepathically, using a photo that I contemplate while addressing my questions to him, it seems to me that even his facial expression changes; sometimes he smiles to me, other times he is sad. That dialogue with him occurred in the same way – through intuition, I think. Grieg told me to think of him whenever I meditate. I asked him what kind of meditation should I be practicing. He told me: “Meditation with the light within you. It’s simple, you just focus on your own self and the light within you.” I asked if the tapas I thought about, with prayers and blessings is a good thing.

Grieg said: “It’s fine. If this is the tapas your mind needs, you can do it. Just know that the mind is the one who always asks the questions, not the heart. Your heart knows better. It is filled with love and trust. But if your mind needs this, you can do as you said.” After this discussion with the spiritual guide, I started to come back.

During the first time that I meditated with “the light within”, while thinking of Grieg, I felt his support. I know that he worked for me during that meditation, to help me. During this meditation, I felt a process which is very hard to describe inside me, like a “fermentation” process; what I felt happened on a too subtle level for it to be easily described with words.

It was a process from the depths of my being, as if my entire being was transformed. A desorption of my structures was happening, a desorption through which another “I” began to form, whose power was rising; from my old “I”, a new one was forming. Then I felt like I was before a benefic presence, but such a strong one, that it might even seem frightening. This power was “melting” me, it purified me. Even though that “someone” was so strong that it could frighten you, I felt attracted to Him, I wanted to get to Him, to melt “there”. Then, at some point I understood with all my being that God was “showing” himself to me and I even cried out, filled with happiness: “God, You are showing Yourself to me!”. I didn’t know how come I was worthy of the Grace of perceiving the presence of God before me, with all my being, as well as his action of purifying me, of transforming me, but I felt filled with humbleness, gratitude and happiness.

yogaesoteric
november 2014

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