Why Women In Their 20s Are Having Fewer Orgasms Than Ever
And How To Unlock Your Potential For Pleasure
Results across several studies show that 75 percent of women never orgasm through erotic intercourse. And young women are experiencing orgasm
the least. But why?
In the Information Age, where empowering, amorous-positive tips are available at the
click of a button, we might think the trend would go the other way – but that’s not the case.
Our barriers to pleasure
1. We continue to commoditize our intimate erotic life.
We’ve all heard it before – sensuality sells. So the media continues to sell
it, isolating the orgasm from its context in advertising. A successful advertisement doesn’t sell an object –
it sells access. It says if you want access to the glamorous, carefree life the models on this billboard are living, buy
this product.
If you want access to fulfilling love making, you need this thing. So, fulfilling love
life (specifically orgasm) becomes something we associate with a desirable, aspirational lifestyle. And if your love life
isn’t satisfying – if you aren’t having orgasms day and night – it’s because you’re
lacking in some other way. You haven’t earned access to this pleasure. When the idea of orgasmic potential is tied to
the question of being adequate or successful, it becomes a source of self-doubt and stress. Talk about unnecessary
performance anxiety.
2. We think one night stands with casual partners is helping us discover
pleasure, but it’s hurting us instead.
Social media and dating apps like Tinder contribute to making hookup culture more and
more socially normative. While these apps are wonderful tools through which to expand the dating pool and explore
sensuality without strings attached (we don’t recommend one night stands because it ruins the life force from our
being), but these shallow superficial instinctual encounters that lack love with parteners that are total strangers –
for women, at least – don’t usually lead to orgasm. The International Academy of Sex Research presented
research demonstrating that a woman’s chances of reaching orgasm are diminished by half (at least) when she’s
having casual sex without reciprocal love, as opposed to when she’s involved into an intimate erotic and loving
relationship with a committed lover.
The reasons behind this include that women are less comfortable telling one night
stand’s partners what they want and need and that men are less invested in pleasing a one night stand partner than
they would be with a person they’re emotionally invested in.
We strongly recommend love making with transfiguration, love, consecration and erotic
continence for a profoundly fulfilled love life.
3. Unfortunately in our society women feel shame about not being able to have
orgasms even if it’s rarely their own fault, and men feel shame (mostly because a serious lack of sexual education
and a genuine sincere interest about a woman’s way to feel an orgasm) about not bringing their lovers to having
orgasms.
Results from a qualitative study of young adults by Salisbury and Fisher showed that the
most common concern among both women and men is the impact that lack of female orgasm during sexual intercourse has on the
male ego.
Stress, shame, and guilt are obstacles to mindful presence in every situation, and
especially in this incredibly vulnerable context. Instead, both parties become absorbed with the self-critical thoughts in
their mind. Stress also kills libido. If our minds are not focused on pleasure, our bodies won’t be able to
experience it. Our tissues become engorged and lubricated as a physical response to pleasure processed by our brains. If
we’re not processing the cues our bodies send us, those changes won’t happen.
The study also showed that male and female participants agreed that men have the
responsibility to physically stimulate their female lover to orgasm, while women have the responsibility to be mentally
prepared to experience orgasm.
Basically, most women are trying to have an orgasm for the sake of their lover’s
ego. And both partners are placing responsibility on the man to bring the woman to orgasm. That puts a lot of pressure on
both women and men in the bedroom and keeps women from becoming fully erotically empowered.
4. Traditional sexual education and porn are opposite ends of the spectrum and
don’t address the reality of erotic intimacy.
Traditional sexual education mainly focuses on contraception and prevention of disease,
entirely neglecting to address the details of women’s unique anatomy and vast potential for pleasure and
orgasm.
So, usually where sexual education leaves off, porn steps in. Often, the way young people
learn about sexual/erotic experience is through pornography – a context in which pleasure is entirely separate from
emotional loving connection and tenderness. If pornography is the only tool someone has to learn about sexual/erotic
experience, their perception of it will be fundamentally inaccurate.
To move toward a sexually empowered society, where women experience orgasm with the same
frequency as men, we need to take the pressure off and make realistic sexual/erotic education a priority. But it’s
never too late. Everyone has room to grow and learn more about how to give and receive pleasure.
Here are the secrets to unlocking infinite potential for pleasure that men and
women both need to explore.
1. Awareness and presence:
Presence, awareness, and a sense of physical and emotional comfort are crucial to erotic
pleasure. Tapping into this mindset allows us to access new echelons of enjoyment. The tantric philosophy exists for
exactly this purpose: to help people access transcendent pleasure through presence.
2. Anatomy lessons:
Studies show that an understanding of the female sexual anatomy and how each part
contributes to pleasure is directly correlated with the likelihood of female orgasm during lovemaking. It’s equally
important for men and women to learn the ins and outs (pun intended) of a woman’s pleasure potential and how to
awaken it.
3. Communication and connection:
People of both genders often rely upon assumptions about their lover’s preferences
and pleasure based on what they’ve seen or been told rather than communicating explicitly and verbally about
their pleasure. Instead of playing charades, they need to learn how to be communicative during lovemaking. Don’t be
shy.
While we, as a society, work toward making holistic, high-quality sexual education
mainstream, women need to take control of their own sexuality and explore what makes them feel good. Normal is irrelevant.
Normal is overrated. Normal is a fiction. There is only you, your lover, and what gives you pleasure.
So, here are a few more tips for the women:
1. Get to know yourself – intimately.
You are capable of at least 11 different kinds of orgasms, thanks to your many erogenous
zones. Start by learning about the internal clitoris and the G-spot.
2. Set aside time to cultivate your own eroticism.
Begin a mindfulness practice (if you don’t have one already), and use it before and
during you discover how to love yourself shamelessly. Remind yourself to breathe throughout. Staying relaxed and present
will allow you to notice what types of touch bring you the most pleasure.
Be open and curious about what happens, focusing on sensation instead of hunting for that
orgasm. Trust your body to guide you and follow your pleasure.
We strongly recommend to make a consecration to God of all the fruits of any action you
choose to make regarding your erotic energy and that you always preserve your sexual potential trough erotic
continence.
3. Share what gives you pleasure next time you make love with your lover, with
consecration, transfiguration and erotic continence.
Exploring your own pleasure is its own reward, but you deserve to benefit from your
discoveries when you are intimate with your lover. In the same way you’ve empowered yourself to experience erotic
pleasure, you can empower your lover to become a perfectly erotic continent man by preserving his sexual potential.
yogaesoteric
July 9, 2019