Love Language Number 3: Receiving gifts
We invite you to read the introduction to the Love Languages
Love language No.1 and Love language No.2
A gift may be something that you can hold in your hand and say: ‘Look, she thought of me “or” He did not forget me.” You can think of someone and offer them a gift. The gift itself is an expression of that thought. It does not matter whether it costs money or not. What matters is that you have thought of them. And the thought was not only in your mind, but it was expressed through a gift, which is an expression of love, especially if you give it to the people whose love language is receiving gifts.
Gifts are visual symbols of love. They are more important to some than to others. That’s why people have different reactions when they receive them. If receiving gifts is my primary love language, it means that this is something important to me and I am impressed with the gifts that I receive from the being that I love. I will consider the gifts as expressions of their love. Since this is my love language, this is what makes me feel loved and without gifts as visual symbols I can doubt their love.
Gifts can be of any size, colour and shape, can be very expensive or for free. But those for whom the main love language is receiving gifts will appreciate its price only if it is above the person’s possibilities. If a millionaire always offers the cheapest gifts to his beloved, she can doubt that this is an expression of love. But when finances are limited, no matter how cheap a gift is, it can mean a love which worth millions.
Receiving gifts is one of the easiest love languages, so this is why it is very easy to learn. If receiving gifts is for the being you love the main love language, you can quickly become an expert in the art of giving. Gifts can be bought, found or made. They do not necessarily have to be expensive. The lover who stops on the way and picks some wild flowers for his beloved, expresses in this way his love for her (provided she is not allergic to pollen).
But what happens to those who say they do not know how to offer gifts, those who have not received many gifts in their lives, not even in their childhood, and they find it difficult to offer gifts? Receiving gifts is the easiest love language to learn. And even if you did not know it before, or you found it hard to offer gifts, if you discovered that the love language of your beloved is to receive gifts, you will certainly have the motivation to become an expert in offering gifts.
For the beginning make a list of all the gifts that your lover has enjoyed very much over the years. This list may include the gifts that you offered them and even gifts they received from other people and you know they liked very much. This will help you to get an idea of what kind of gifts they like. If you do not know how to choose gifts that they like, ask your friends, family members or people who know them and who can help you. Meanwhile, choose gifts that are easy to buy, to find or to make and offer them to them. If receiving gifts is the main love language of the being that you love, then almost anything you give them will be perceived as an expression of your love to them. (But if until now they have seemed unhappy with the gifts that you have offered and they haven’t liked almost anything, it is likely that this is not their main language.)
Gifts and the financial aspect
Each of us evaluates money differently, experiencing different sensations on spending it. Some have the tendency to easily spend it, they feel good when they spend it, and others prefer to save it or to invest it. They feel good when they save money or they wisely invest it. If you want to become very skilled at offering gifts you must evaluate your attitude towards money and to amend it, if necessary. If you are a money spender, you will find it easy to buy gifts for the being you love. But if you’re a money saver, you will have a resistance to spending money as a proof of love.
Saving and investing in life, you buy tomorrow’s security. You take care of your emotional needs by the way you handle money, but this way will not satisfy the needs of your lover, if their love language is receiving gifts. If you discover that this is their love language, then maybe you will understand that the purchase of these gifts is the best “investment” that you can do. You invest in the love relationship you have and you fill in, in this way, the love tank of your lover. And when this is full, you will receive in return the same love, in your love language. When both emotional needs are met, your love relationship will take a totally new dimension. Do not worry about your savings, you will remain a money saver, but investing in the love for your beloved is like investing in some safe shares.
Self-giving
There is also another kind of gift that we can offer to our lover, which is not attainable, but which is a much more valuable expression of our love than any other gift that can be bought, made or found. This is the gift of your own presence or self-giving. To be present when your beloved needs you is very important, especially to those whose love language is receiving gifts. Physical presence in difficult or delicate moments is the most important gift that you can offer to your lover, when their love language is receiving gifts. Then your body becomes the expression of your love. If you remove this symbol, the feeling of love disappears, it evaporates.
If the physical presence of your beloved is important to you, it is recommended to openly communicate this to them. Do not expect them to read your thoughts. Many people do not communicate their wishes, but they expect their lover to predict them. This can happen sometimes, due to the state of empathy which is awakened between the two lovers, when they love each other very much and they have a harmonious relationship. But it is much better and wiser of you, instead of expecting your lover to guess your wishes – and then, if this is not happening, to be frustrated and disappointed – to communicate what you want from your lover, in a harmonious and loving way. In this way you will give them the opportunity to fulfil your wishes and make you happy.
If your lover says, for example, “I would so much want to be together tonight,” take this wish very seriously, as from your point of view this might not be very important, but if you do not have any reaction to this wish of theirs, you can send a message that can be misinterpreted. Most of the times, for people whose love language is receiving gifts, this will be translated as lack of love.
A special gift that we can offer to our beloved when we are not next to them is to send them our thoughts of love and everything beautiful that we feel for them, even when we are away. Our subtle presence manifested in this way can make our beloved feel surrounded by our love, even when we are not next to them. This can often be an overwhelming feeling, full of flavour, also being an extraordinary beautiful gift that we can offer anytime.
Love is always based on generosity. All the five love languages urge us to offer something to the one we love. For some (whose love language is receiving gifts) gifts – visual symbols of love – are the most convincing. They don’t have to expect to be expensive or offered weekly, and for some they have nothing to do with their financial value, but only with affective value.
The greatest happiness is to make your lover happy. The essential key for this is to understand which their love language is and to express your love in their language. In this way they will always feel loved and fulfilled, thus enabling them to love and to offer more in return, which will bring more and more love and happiness into your relationship.
yogaesoteric
february 2011
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