Love Language Number 1: Words of encouragement
We invite you to read the introduction to the Love Languages
“You can live two months on a good compliment.” – Mark Twain
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue ” – Solomon
“Anger befalls upon the man, but only a good word can make him happy.”
Using words is one way to express love. To encourage the other by using words can have an extraordinary power. Love is very strongly expressed through compliments or words of encouragement. The best way is to use simple statements, such as:
“This fits you so wonderfully!”
“You never looked so great in this dress!”?
“Nobody cooks potatoes better than you. I enjoy them a lot”
“I am very grateful that you have washed the dishes tonight. I wanted you to know that I don’t take this for granted “etc.
Imagine how the emotional climate would be in a couple in which the two lovers would use such words as often as possible. The goal of love is not to get what you want, but to do something for the good of the one you love. When we are appreciated, we are much more motivated to react positively and therefore to do what our lover would like us to do.
When we speak about words of encouragement we do not mean using flattering words in order to force your lover to do what you want, but to encourage him/her to overcome a deadlock (fear) or to develop a particular area that he/she is already working on.
Encouragement requires empathy and an approach to the world from the perspective of the being that we love. We must first learn what is important for the one we love. It is only then that we can encourage him/her. Through verbal encouragement we try to communicate something like: “I know, I care, I’m with you. How can I help you? “. We try to show that we really believe in that person and his/her capabilities. We trust and appreciate him/her.
“Words of encouragement can sometimes be difficult to express. They may not belong to your main love language. It could mean a great effort for you to learn that second love language, especially if you are used to criticizing and making malicious comments. But certainly it is worth the effort. You will see that they create wonders. – Gary Chapman
Love is kindness. If we want to communicate our love verbally, it is important to use kind words, meaning to pay attention to the way we talk. The same words can have different meanings, depending on the way we utter them. Sometimes our words say one thing and the tone of our voice says another one. The message is double, but our lover will more easily receive the message from the tone of the voice rather than from the spoken words.
For example, “I’d be happy to wash the dishes tonight,” said with a mocking tone will never be seen as an expression of love. On the other hand, we can share the suffering, the pain and even the anger in a positive manner, which may thus be an expression of love: “I feel disappointed and hurt that you did not offer to help me” – said with an open and gentle tone, can be an expression of love. It is a step towards building intimacy by sharing feelings. In fact, it calls for an opportunity to discuss suffering and find a cure for it. However, the same words said in a harsh voice and screaming will not be an expression of love, but one of condemnation and judgment.
“A soft answer can often turn the anger off the road.”
Love does not keep track of mistakes. It’s amazing how many people ruin their today for yesterday. They insist to bring the shortcomings of yesterday into discussion and in this way they ruin the current day which otherwise could have been wonderful. Forgiveness is a way to love. And we should understand that love is an every moment choice. In every moment we can choose to love and in this way to be happy, or we can choose to judge, condemn or hate, thus poisoning our being and becoming unhappy most of the time.